When My Son Taught Me to Listen": By Rommal Surana

It was a family trip. The kind filled with laughter, chaos, and cousins running everywhere. My son, stepping into his teens, was among the pack. And like any mother, I kept a watchful eye, gently nudging him whenever a squabble broke out.

“Beta, give it to your sister. It’s okay.”

“Come on, let your cousin play with it first. It’s okay.”

“It’s okay, just give it to her.”

I said these words so often they became a quiet chant of my parenting. I thought I was teaching kindness. I thought I was raising a good boy. But each time, I noticed his jaw tighten. His shoulders drooped. Little storms were gathering behind his eyes, and I was too busy keeping the peace to see them.

Then, one evening, the storm finally broke.

“You always tell me to compromise!” he burst out, his voice trembling with a hurt that had been building for years. “Here I am the youngest, yet I’m supposed to compromise. And when I go to my nanny’s place, or my mama’s place, there I have younger cousins. So tell me, please tell me, when is it my turn? Why am I always the one who has to give in?”

He opened his heart wide that day, and out poured a flood of complaints. Every forgotten incident, every unfair moment, every silent surrender. He was not just angry. He was exhausted, and he was making absolute sense.

In the past, my mother’s reflex would have kicked in. I’d have said, “Aise kaise rooth gaya? You know we must share,” and wrapped my explanation in love. But this time, something held me back. I looked at this young man, not my little boy anymore, and I chose silence over a speech. I placed my hand on my heart and whispered a truth I had never said before:

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise what you are going through.”

That simple sentence closed the whole conversation. No arguments. No justifications. Just a quiet, sacred peace.

From that day, I stopped stepping between the cousins. I began trusting my son to find his own way, to choose when to hold on and when to let go. And in that space, I discovered something precious: our teenagers speak wisdom we desperately need, but only if we pause long enough to truly listen.

Parenting Takeaway from This Story:

Listen to understand, not to reply. When your teen pours their heart out, pause your urge to explain. Sometimes they don’t need a solution; they just need to feel heard.

A sincere apology heals more than a long lecture. Saying “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise” isn’t a sign of weakness. It shows your child that their feelings matter and builds deep trust

Step back and let them navigate relationships. Instead of constantly directing their sharing and compromises, empower them to make their own choices. They learn generosity far better when it’s voluntary, not forced.

Romal Surana

Child and adolescent counsellor,

Special needs educator, TEDx Speaker and Author

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